Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I have complete contempt for fakery

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

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I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

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A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I understand how hurricane paths work

What are some K-Pop group names that sounds pretty?

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

What are some of the differences between the Democratic and Republican parties? What policies does each party advocate for? What groups do these parties usually represent?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

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I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t buy bullshit

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

How did Farrah Fawcett die?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

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I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for traitorism

What is the difference between heaven and heavens?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

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I actually pay taxes

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Why do Puerto Ricans come to this country flying their flags over in the United States all over their cars? They're so proud of their country. Why are they here?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

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I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

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I have a reading level above third grade

I can read

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I can count

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I see through liars

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”